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Neopets Poems

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A Note Nearby Says, "Read This."
By _Razcalz_

You think there is a poem here,
a waterfall, musical verse,
or a shape, a rhyme,
a visionary expression of sorts --
and I see why you would,
this being the "stack of yellow boxes"
as I call it: blunt though a description
it is from a supposed
crafter of words.

You think there is a poem here,
praising ever-deep depths of
sapphire Maraqua,
of the wit of mountain-high Shenkuu's
straw-hatted barterers;
of frolicking in the sun
in an evergreen haven of
daisies and guardian willows
as baby Lennies wait, carefree,
for summer's cheerful knock.

Frolicking is half-right --
half-wrong for the cynical.
I write on the day of fools: brimming
these black scratches with a voice,
but not voice of a poem typical.

My prank to you is the unexpected,
the anomaly you frown at,
complete in a pale yellow
gift-box stack.

The Naughty Skeith
By Mamasimios

One spring day I met a red Skeith
As I cheerfully walked along.
I was enjoying the mild weather
And the return of birdsong.

The Skeith made pleasant conversation
As he joined me in my walk,
And offered his hand to me in friendship,
But when I shook it I got a shock!

He revealed the buzzer gag
He had hidden in his palm,
And laughed and slapped me on the back
As I tried to move along.

He then asked me if I could straighten
His crooked polka dot bowtie,
But when I leaned in toward him,
It squirted water in my eyes.

Blinded I did stumble;
The Skeith helped me to the ground,
Where I sat on a Meerca Whoopee Cushion
(And I won't here describe its sound).

The Skeith said that he was sorry,
And he offered me some gum.
I accepted and popped it in my mouth,
But it tasted like Kau dung.

I wanted to cry, "You naughty Skeith!
Your pranks are just the worst!"
But I held my tongue and felt like a fool
When I remembered it was April first.

The Latest Fashion Trend
By Dragonstorm_75

What a swirl of tawny fur
That stretches from your face!
Truly yours is a great coiffure,
Not a dresser but an ace!

Your glorious moustache twirls
And coils like an embracing shell.
Only an ivory comb makes curls,
So striking and so noble!

You dress your 'stache in finery,
Even of it I would obsess.
From it hang beads and jewellery,
See, it deserves no less!

Come to a party, hear gasps of awe,
As aristocrats spark with envy!
Surely these loops of golden straw,
Are finer than any emerald ivy.

For you see, my gracious friends,
An elegant 'stache never offends!
So take this message and please send,
All must know of this fashion trend!

Editor's Note: for more moustache-related humour, check out the current issue
of The Neopian Times!

Faerie Pranks
By Larkspurlane

"How shall I trick you, my sisters fair?"
Pondered Illusen in her thick-boughed glade,
"Shall I make your neat little gardens grow
Wild and dense with green? Shall I visit
All of the hidden roots and buds
That timid await a spring eve,
And bid them bloom this soon?"

"How shall I trick you, my sisters fair?"
Spoke Casandia from her airy perch,
"Shall I make the breeze mischievous,
And make knots in your hair?
Shall I veil your fine views of sun and sky
With mists of silver and pearl,
To leave dew-drop kisses on
Curved lash and delicate wing?"

"How shall I trick you, my sisters fair?"
Pondered Eithne from her heat-baked grotto --
"Shall I drive the clouds away
And let the sun beat like a pulse,
Fire in and fire out,
Under a white-hot sky?"

"How shall I trick you, my sisters fair?"
Asked Marina of the Healing Springs,
"Shall I have the ocean heave and hurl,
And make toys of little boats? Nay --
I shall come by night and bathe your eyes
With breaths of sea-spray, and give you
Strange dreams of the deep."

Some News
By Concertogreat_8

Ah, my dear, I'm sorry, but school is cancelled --
permanently -- what, didn't you hear?
Really, dear, Neopia Central is history;
Indeed, the mountains are all jelly.
Last night, Faerieland sunk to earth;
food will all be served upside-down,
of course, eaten only at midnight,
on platters made of gold.
Little did you know (till now), that
Skeiths are banned from playparks,
Daily Dare will be no more,
and we've done away with the Trading Post --
yes, I'm sure you'll like the new digs,
hey, they're just a short drop under
a volcano in Maraqua, after all.
Happily, pet days are no more;
absolutely, dear, for they were such a bore.
Here, now, instead we'll have TNT days --
and you're sure to find them much more fun.

Please do not register your complaints with me,
and by the way,
Meridell has sunk into the sea.
We wish we could tell you this is all a joke,
but here's the truth, and it's quite stark:
we're not kidding;
there's no secret message hidden here.

A Time to Prank
By Raezyr

The first day of Eating arrived with a bang,
Quite literally, as it were,
For it was the day of mischief and tricks --
April Fools' Day, if you prefer.

First on my list of victims to prank
Was the infamous villain of space.
I wired his ship's navigation all wrong.
Amusing, 'til I saw his face.

Slothy's green features were twisted with rage.
He forced me to drink what he had:
A bubbling potion that smelled of old socks.
So now I'm a mutant. How sad.

Still, I refused to give up my list.
Jhudora was next to be fooled.
I gathered some Meepits, and set them all loose
On the cloud that the dark faerie ruled.

But her powers were greater than I ever thought;
With a wave of her long-fingered hand,
The Meepits whirled 'round, and came after me.
I had to flee quickly to land.

Now I was oozing, had too many eyes,
And a Meepit was hanging off me,
Its razor-sharp teeth sunk into my flesh,
Yet, still, I continued my spree.

I forced the Pant Devil into real pants;
He stole all the things I possessed.
I pelted old Meuka with tissues and such;
He drenched me in snot, as you've guessed.

Now, as I gaze at my slimy new limbs,
I come to an epiphany:
Though my pranks were ingenious, if I may say so,
The joke, in the end, is on me.

This Is Not a Joke
By Autotune

This poem isn't like the rest;
It's faster, better, stronger
Than the other poems around;
Won best alphabet soup twice,
Best word salad four times,
And finished first in last year's
Annual Poem Racing Championships.

This poem is not a joke.
It's far too serious, too
Academically inclined, too
Poetic to even consider
Pranks or jokes, of any size or rhyme.
Please don't ever doubt it,
Not even for a second, 'cause --

This poem is for real,
Just ask The Neopets Team!
Ask Lawyerbot; he'll tell you
That all fake poems must come
With warnings and disclaimers --
There, do you believe me now?
I knew you'd come around!


I implore you not to look at the date.

April Fools'!
By Selenial

The new Neopian features
Are far worse than I'd feared.
Bug Eye McGee is stalking me,
And all the pets look weird.

The Hidden Tower's empty now.
The bank's gone down the drain.
And soon my pets will all be green
And partial to the rain.

The Tiki Man is going broke.
Inflation is too high.
And prices throughout all the site
Are rising to the sky.

"You have to pay to see each page!"
Says some new crazy rule,
And TNT says "Neopetz"
Is going to be "cool!"

The Pant Devil was partying
Inside my S-D-B,
And all the new Quiguki cards
Are just too much for me.

If I load one more page, I swear,
My debt is gonna burst.
But wait, the date! I understand!
Today is April First.

By Maraqua_royal

Alas, it is that time of year
When all who are congregated here
Are immortalised in embarrassment
To an unbelievable extent.

For on this one day, The Neopets Team
is outwardly mean
to the pets of their kingdom,
by making us feel oh-so-dumb.
What will it be this time around?
Perhaps we ought to see history:
In 2001, the pets looked like clowns,
Next, the Pant Devil was in our SDB!

Then our hard-earned NP had no values,
2004 had everyone shuffling cards,
Soon we had fifty nifty pets to choose,
'06 tortured everyone with the Neocharge.

Three years ago the BD closed,
The NeoBuddy Beta System came for a show,
Last year, you had to get a garden hose
to fight off inflation's nasty blow.

Every year, TNT never failed,
Never were we not impaled.
But now -- save your few wits and the date,
For April Fools' Day in Neopia won't wait!

Day of Folly
By Renegade_kitty

'Tis the time for fools and kind,
To gather round and play.
With josh and jest, and tricks of mind,
And laughs through all the day.

Some pranks range from quips to hints,
Or misdirecting pokes.
True tricksters snub such petty things,
For a finer class of jokes.

Perfect the ploy with thorough practice,
Much plotting must be done.
Elect only the ideal antics,
To guarantee much fun.

Now, a clever mind may help some,
They're tougher to deceive.
But when the perfect scheme is run,
A fool always believes.

Armed with flawless ruse and guile,
The target's trap is laid.
What fun it is to trick with style,
A fool will soon be made.
And with their telling gasp and smile,
A jester's hard work, paid.

April Fools' Day
By Xx_neomania

On this day most of all,
Do villains' spirits soar,
For they do not have to hide,
Their mischievous spirits anymore.

Like the devious Tax Beast,
Who sent Eliv Thade a nice bill
For a large lump sum,
The joke made him quite ill.

Jhudora used her powers,
Purple she turned Illusen's hair.
Needless to say,
She gave her quite a scare.

Then the Pant Devil who stole
The dice of Count Von Roo,
I hope he knows,
What he got himself into.

Dr. Sloth was even in the spirit,
As he sent Balthazar a nice surprise.
A lovely grape sloth cake,
But really a spongy mound in disguise.

Oh, do they rejoice,
When society bends the rules.
On this day most of all,
April Fools'.

A Day for Fools
By Geneames1

Wily rascals wait all year
For this day, April first,
To ply their special trade of tricks
And do their very worst.

April Fools'! When tricksters rule
And pranksters love to play,
Duping others with cunning sublime
Is the order of the day.

Don't shake that hand! For it may hold
A buzzer that will shock you.
Watch your step! Banana peels
will surely make you slip, too!

A "Kick Me" sign might well be stuck
On your back if you're beckoned.
Trust no one, for no place is safe,
Until it's April second.

To stay safe, lock your doors that day.
Turn off the lights and hide.
When all is clear I'll tell you so,
then you can go outside.

I Hate April Fools' Day
By Dadylman

I hate April Fools' Day,
I hate it a lot,
The pranks and the jokes,
Oh... the very thought!

Every year's the same,
Mischief abundant,
I can never avoid it,
Every year it's redundant!

I fall for the same tricks,
You know, the standard,
Oh, they think it's so funny,
Well, I don't; my pride's slandered.

Last year was the Whoopee Cushion,
I sat in my favourite chair,
A toot and a poot; how embarrassing!
They laughed; they didn't care.

Year before that the Hand Buzzer,
A childish classic at best.
I reached for their hand; and a jolt!
Oh, will they ever let me rest?

I slipped on a Zeenana Peel,
Got soaked by a Pink Squirt Flower,
Wore a Banana Creme Pie,
Got a TNT Shaving Cream shower.

Oh, I hate April Fools' Day,
I hate the shame it evokes,
This year will be different, though;
I've read a book on practical jokes.

A Day of Tragedy
By Powerweak

April 1st, a day of tragedy.
Oh dear, what's gone wrong now?
Our pets are gone and so is our NP,
but I don't know how!

I've checked my Safety Deposit Box,
but there is nothing left.
No paint brushes, not even our worthless rocks.
Who committed this theft?

It could not be the Pant Devil,
for he could not be so swift.
A ghost, Bug Brothers, surely some rebel?
I'm just simply miffed!

Wait, who goes there? Why, it's my pet!
All our stuff is back! They're the thieves, I bet.
Cover your ears, I just know what they'll say:
"Surprise, everybody! Happy April Fools' Day!"

Sonnet for Eating the First
By Demy666

The month of Eating brings the annual prank,
Neopians not in the loop despair
To see beloved Neopets turn rank,
Makes loyal citizens pull out their hair.
The year before saw Neoplants take root,
Was preferable to Bug Eye in Year Ten,
The Battledome waved brave its last salute,
Neocharge made paupers of all its men,
Gwalla, Petoot, and Skamp with their horde came,
Quiguki Armageddon in Year Six,
Rad Neopetz totally spoils the game;
Pant Devil through accounts went leaving nix.
So, owners, beware on Eating the first,
Relax; it's a jape, you haven't been cursed.

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