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SLOTH APPRECIATION DAY SPECIAL
The Secret Sloth Slushie
There is one slushie that Neopians durst
Not drink, despite the most terrible thirst.
The Secret Sloth Slushie is truly the worst.
The reason behind their gastronomic fuss
Is no secret; it is often discussed
That the key ingredient is 'smelly pus,'
And to top it off: snot instead of cream.
It's really not the height of cuisine,
And I wonder where that slime has been.
As a gourmet food, bilge is not nice,
No matter how attractive the price
Or however many pieces of ice.
You know, dear reader, I'm beginning to think
Maybe it's wisest if you simply don't drink
The Secret Sloth Slushie. Just pour it down the sink!
Dr. Sloth's Reflection
So this will be the year of Sloth,
The year of plots and schemes and dreams.
World domination is as assured
As blood runs boiling beneath my skin,
As green as steamed asparagus
(I mean my skin, not blood, but do digress).
I check my image in the glass,
An arching brow, a sneering grin,
Insinuating wicked thoughts.
Now stand straight, Sloth!
Or they will call you Dr. Slouch
(Pause for fawning minion laughs).
I'm pleased but fix them with a scowl,
As they wait with cape and cowl.
Naturally I am not ready
Until my hair is gelled and held.
Oh yes, I have heard you mock
My hair like three limp celery stalks.
But know this: He who laughs the last
Laughs best with raucous, heaving chest
And head bobs wildly up and down --
I can see it now, the turnaround,
And there will be my hair standing still,
Like soldiers mounting conquered hill
While all around becomes... unhinged
(Was that out loud? Minions share knowing looks.)
I take my cape and cowl and gloves;
Dress for the job you want, they say,
And this I want: the world within my sway.
Mirror check: brow arched, sneering grin,
Fingers tented beneath mossy skin
And on top, the hair held fast;
Like Neopia will soon be within my grasp.
Dear Neopia (From Sloth)
Dear Neopia, my friends,
I bid you, do not fear.
I've just a few small things to say,
Which you all need to hear.
Another year, my day doth come,
And this I do proclaim:
No more mistakes, for in this year,
Things will not be the same!
I will not be a laughingstock;
Before me all will kneel!
I will be meaner, wicked, worse!
(It's part of my appeal.)
No more will plans I lay go wrong,
I'll lay the perfect scheme.
You'll all be chanting 'We love Sloth!'
When part of my regime.
The Grundo crew are on my list,
(They've had some lucky saves.)
But now they'll cower in my grasp,
And bow as Sloth's own slaves.
My minions will be everywhere,
Neopia is mine!
So don't just think I can be stopped,
This is my year to shine!
Cylara and her little friends
Will be the next I find.
I'll be worse than that sad Lord Kass
And Pant Devil combined!
So thanks for listening, my dear friends,
No more will I be scorned.
Love from Sloth, your overlord,
(P.S. You have been warned!)
The Day His Kingdom Had Fallen
The clouds were thick with poison,
The air, vile and cruel,
The barren landscape that lay beneath,
Suppressed by a foreboding rule.
His name was Doctor Frank Sloth,
His purpose, what could it mean?
All to know were his eyes of red coal,
His vile teeth and skin of green.
His lair was the world of Neopia,
The world of Neopia? His lair.
Lurking in his shadow were mysteries a many,
Like the experiments conducted there.
The day his kingdom had fallen,
The sun shined and grass even grew,
As Sloth retreated to his underground lair,
He knew his kingdom was through.
The poisonous clouds were lifting!
His experiments to the mud they had returned!
Doctor Frank Sloth prepared to flee,
Then the most curious thing he had learned.
A creature had appeared in the new shining world,
At first panic, then calm, then a smile,
Oh, Doctor Frank Sloth had a genius idea,
He thought staying just might be worthwhile.
Today is Sloth Appreciation Day,
It's not enough! You agree, don't you?
Yes, a villain so great deserves so much more...
Your undying loyalty will just have to do.
Dr. Frank Sloth
A rigorous mind once uncorrupted,
Who travelled from afar.
Now merciless in his attempts,
To ensnare Neopia!
Once confined to a hidden lair,
A home, a lab, a last resort.
Outgrown by an accidental discovery,
To lead the Virtupets Corp.
A Grundo at his every whim,
Gathered in numbers to provoke.
Invasion on his vile mind,
Useless nature to convoke.
An exterior to remember,
But a nuisance to forget.
Dandelions, his only weakness,
Such an unconventional threat.
A new moon, a new plan,
Betting on success.
His failure rate undefined,
Yet another blueprint to conquest.
We Heart Sloth
It's Sloth Appreciation Day once more,
The celebration of an evil that we adore.
Let us recall his dastardly plots of yore!
(Secretly we hope that there will be more.)
For how can one fail to appreciate
A villain whose villainy we eagerly await?
A darkness that leaves you quaking in fear,
Yet an ambition you can't help but revere.
For how can one disapprove at all
Of an intelligence so mad, it enthralls?
He has a doctorate in World Domination,
While dabbling in sock puppet creation.
For how can one not endeavour to admire
His glowing red eyes, like coals of fire?
Or a mouth that twists into a sinister sneer;
His trademark hair, gel-slicked, pomade-smeared?
And how can one attempt not to love
Sloth's evil grin, when push comes to shove?
The legendary mastermind of murky green --
Dressed in his iconic cloak of inky sheen.
Fret not that he will rise again someday --
Make no mistake, it could even be today!
For we loyal followers shall be rewarded,
(Or at least not immediately terminated!)
Hush now, little child,
Allow your eyes to close,
Let your mind drift,
And allow the dark to take you.
Dream of taxes, mutants, and domination,
One day all of these will be yours.
Have faith, my little one,
You will grow and you will learn.
Neopians everywhere shall bow to you,
Neopets shall shake at the mention of your name.
You will rule this land one day,
I believe in you, my sweet child.
There shall be downfalls upon the way;
The road to greatness is a hard path.
You were born to a great destiny,
So sleep now, my little one, safely knowing,
One day all of this shall be yours.
Splat That Sloth
Neopia's full of the Sloth Day spirit.
Personally, I must say I fear it.
I can't understand the respect toward him.
The state of our world is verging on grim.
He trapped the poor Grundos, took over the skies,
And that was only his very first rise.
He attacked the Lost Desert and raised up a beast,
And with that defeat, he ought to have ceased.
Yet rather than give up his cruel ambitions,
He moved on to ever more terrible missions.
His sneaky objective to mutate our pets
Fills new Neopians with teary regrets.
And let's not forget his terrible tax;
You can't carry Neopoints and fully relax.
Now that he's finally been sealed away,
We all ought to give up this horrible Day.
But I'll lessen my anger by playing a game:
The Splat-a-Sloth sock will receive all my blame.
I'll ready the paper, tense up my arm,
And prepare to do Sloth-sock terrible harm.
Here it comes, now, right down the chute...
Oh... it's actually really quite cute.
I can't bear to splat it, not anymore.
But still I'm less angry than I was before.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to avoid
This bad celebration that has me annoyed.
Just please keep it secret -- don't you dare talk --
About how I love that little Sloth-sock.
I worked for you master, for many years,
Through hardship, toil, and salty tears.
But I'm tired of serving you, Doctor Sloth,
Just your name makes me wroth!
For years and years I have laboured,
To fell whole worlds as you smirked.
To lead your minions under my banner,
With youthful strength and naive vigour.
But now I see what you have done,
The cloth before my eyes is gone.
I see the innocent corrupted for you,
Just so in your eyes they can be of value.
But for what? A cause for which we know not,
In the end all of our work is for naught.
You promised me fame, riches, and adoration,
Instead I bring you coffee and get no action!
Sure your work is ingenious, I admit,
Your minions work as you see fit.
They obey every command without hesitation,
Which (I confess) is good for any faction.
But enough is enough, Sloth, we are through!
I have no longer a wish to serve under you!
In my defiance I now do depart,
Gleefully do I watch your fleet torn apart.
With happiness I land upon Kreludor, the moon,
But what is this I see, from stone well-hewn?
An effigy of me? In a heroic pose?
Built by grateful Grundos, rows on rows?
How foul, I wish not to be worshipped this way!
Dear Doctor Sloth, please take me back today!
In Worship of Sloth
Among the stars, in deepest black,
In Virtupets Station high,
Along the silent corridors,
A genius goes gliding by.
His glory days are over,
His jet-black robe is torn.
There's dirt under his fingers,
And he's looking rather worn.
His red-rimmed eyes, his greying skin,
His three remaining hairs,
His evil grin of mischief:
Come closer if you dare.
Grundo minions scamper
From his path as he draws near,
But if you prove your mettle,
He may whisper in your ear
Plans of domination
(Though success has yet to come),
For Neopia is pleasant still
And ruins all his fun.
Yet hiding up his flowing sleeves
Are secret plans and schemes
Of chaos and destruction
(And one involving dreams).
He gazes out the window
With a wistful-looking eye:
"One day this will all be mine
And I will rule the skies!"
You may not think he's clever,
You may not think it's true,
But he WILL rule all Neopia
(and those scheming Meepits too)!
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