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||You are on Week 669
Every week we will be starting a new Story Telling competition - with great prizes! The current prize is 2000 NP, plus a rare item!!! This is how it works...
We start a story and you have to write the next few paragraphs. We will select the best submissions every day and put it on the site, and then you have to write the next one, all the way until the story finishes. Got it? Well, submit your paragraphs below!
Story Six Hundred Sixty Nine Ends Friday, August 15
|"No, no, NO!!!" Gavrin screeched at the top of his high-pitched lungs. "You're doing it ALL wrong! Oh, why did the great Lord Darigan assign me such a puny, pathetic lot? You have to do it like this." With a deep breath, the mutant Xweetok let out a glass-shatteringly high evil cackle.
All the students gazed up at him with a mix of awe, shock, and terror. One day they hoped to laugh like that.
It was day one of Lord Darigan's Evil Minion Initiate Training Program (or LDEMITP for short), and so far they had mastered the arts of "Befriending The Meepits," "Infiltrating The Postal Service," and "Dressing Like An Evil Overlord," but so far "How To Perfect Your Evil Laugh" was turning out to be rather challenging, even with such a brilliant teacher as Professor Gavrin Evilston.
Taking another deep breath to calm himself down, Gavrin looked out at his students and frowned. They really were a pathetic lot -- seriously, why in the world had Lord Darigan recruited a baby Ogrin and a plushie Cybunny, for Pete's sake? Eyeing a rather large Darigan Grundo, he smiled his menacing smile... finally he might be able to get somewhere.
"You," he said, pointing to the Grundo, "come here." The Grundo looked at his feet, as though embarrassed, and shuffled forward. "What's your name?" Gavrin asked. The Grundo continued to stare at his feet and muttered something that even Gavrin couldn't hear. Gavrin furrowed his brow; this was even worse than pathetic.
"Speak up," he commanded, "and look me in the eyes when you're talking. How do you expect anyone to be intimidated by you if you're staring at your great big red feet all the time?"
The Grundo slowly raised his eyes to meet the Xweetok's. Quietly, he said, "Um... my name is Edward Fuzzles... and I, um... I shouldn't be here."...
Date: Aug 11th
...The hope Gavrin had felt started to trickle away at the Grundo's shy words. Despite common sense dictating that he should let Edward sit down and discuss the matter after class, the Xweetok blurted out, "Why? You're about the only one here who actually looks the part."
This was met with a few disgruntled murmurs from the rest of the class. Edward fidgeted awkwardly at the glares he was now getting from the 'pets with less intimidating appearances. "That's just it. My brother applied for this program, but when the recruiter showed up, he took one look at me and decided that I must be who he was after. I was too nervous to contradict him and, the next thing I knew, I was here."
Gavrin sighed. All he wanted to do was teach new minions how to laugh. "Well... might as well make the best of it, eh? Why don't you show us your best evil laugh?"
Edward gulped and shook his head. "Please, sir. I feel sick," he pleaded.
"Fine, fine," Gavrin snapped. He turned to the baby Ogrin. "You give it a try, then."
After a class that contained a few decent laughs that were greatly outnumbered by bad ones, Gavrin slumped at his desk. He didn't have much time to reflect on how bad the class had been because he now saw Edward standing before his desk, rubbing his arm nervously. "Yes?" he asked, barely concealing his annoyance.
"You're the only one who's asked me about myself since I got here. Please, Professor Evilston, you have to help me get out of this place..."
Date: Aug 11th
...Of all the things the Grundo could have asked him, this was certainly one of the more unexpected. Gavrin raised an eyebrow (a technique he had perfected during his own years at LDEMITP) and asked, "Why would I help you escape? You're asking the wrong 'pet--"
"Please, professor. Look, you're a smart guy. I'm only going to make you look bad when I fail the Evil Laughter portion of my final exam."
"You can learn," Gavrin said shortly. Edward did not seem like a lost cause -- rather, he was a lost cause that had potential to be found, if that made sense. A little bit of practice, some empty threats, and he'd be perfect minion material.
"I will never bother you again," Edward begged. "In fact, I'll get my brother to take my place! He's perfect for evil minion training! He once spiked the Rainbow Pool with Kikoughela Syrup and was held by the Defenders of Neopia for disrupting the public peace or whatever."
Gavrin thought about it. On one hand, smuggling a student out of school was a dangerous thing to even consider, but on the other, his class was lacking in talent this year. There was also the fact that his contract was up for renegotiation, as the Human Resources office had been so kind to remind him just last week.
"Fine, I'll do it," he said at last, "but don’t get too excited, there." He felt a little burst of joy at seeing the Grundo's face fall. "There are two conditions..."
Date: Aug 12th
..."One, you must do whatever I say, no matter what it is. Two, if I fail in smuggling you out of here, then you have to try your best in my class and get over your shyness," Gavrin told the meek Darigan Grundo before him.
Edward was just so happy that someone was listening to him, it looked like he was about to cry tears of joy.
"Oh, thank you professor... thank you, thank you, thank you! I'll do it, I promise I will with all of my heart!" Edward replied as he grabbed the Xweetok's paw to shake it.
Gavrin rolled his eyes and let out a big sigh. "I get it... now settle down, will you? This is the Darigan Citadel, not Faerieland... keep your dignity in here," the Xweetok said, even though he was already beginning to regret his choice.
Edward stood there beaming at his professor like he was the Grundo's favourite Neopian in the world.
Gavrin sighed again.
"Let's just get down to it -- I have a plan as to how this is all going to work in our favour. First, how far away do you live from here?" the mutant Xweetok asked.
"Well, you see, ah... that's one other problem I have, and it's why I have not tried to run away by myself. My home is in Maraqua, and there's no way I can travel all the way there on my own," Edward told Gavrin as he nervously stared at the ground.
Date: Aug 12th
..."You must be joking!" Gavrin fixed Edward with his patented "Menacing Glare -- Level Two." He'd never heard of a recruitment drive taking place in Maraqua, of all places. It wasn't even on the same continent. In fact, it wasn't even on a continent!
Edward visibly wilted under Gavrin's fierce scrutiny. "I-I would never lie t-to you, professor, p-promise! I really am f-fr-from Maraqua..."
A sinking feeling manifested itself in the pits of Gavrin's stomach as he realized the cowering Grundo could only be telling the truth. After all, he wasn't an esteemed professor of Darigan Studies (Practical Training) for nothing, and his glares were a force to be reckoned with. He felt the tiniest bit sorry when he saw how badly the poor Grundo was shaking. Perhaps the Level One glare would've been sufficient.
"Look," he continued amicably, raising his paws in what (he hoped) was a placating gesture. It only seemed to make Edward grow more alarmed, and he shrunk back fearfully.
"Listen," Gavrin began again, trying hard to appear genial. "I get it, all right? It's just that you being from Maraqua makes things a little more... complicated."
Never in a million years would Gavrin admit to his student that he just didn't fare well with seas, oceans, and large bodies of water in general. It was why he'd relocated to Darigan, for Pete's sake! Well, that and the very handsome paycheck offered... which, he reminded himself grimly, he was in real danger of losing should negotiations with Human Resources fall through.
Which they most certainly will, should you continue having this bumbling fool in your class, a small voice in his head supplied.
Gavrin sighed and pressed his paws to his temples. He could feel the beginnings of a headache as he tried to formulate a plan. It wasn't going to be easy.
After a lengthy consideration, he concluded, "We'll have to escape during the day, that's for sure. Most of the guards get dull and sluggish in full sunlight... we'll take advantage of that and escape to Meridell's pier, where a prearranged boat will be waiting for us."
Edward's eyes shined with unbridled admiration. "Professor Evilston, you're a genius!" he beamed.
"Yes, yes, among many other things," Gavrin stated dismissively. He furrowed his brow in concentration while contemplating his plans. It seemed he was forgetting something vital...
Date: Aug 13th
..."Ah, right," he muttered. "We'll need to steal your records."
"My records?" Edward asked, his smile slowly fading.
"Of course," Gavrin spat, as if this was the most obvious statement in the world. "You don't get to just leave the LDEMITP. Everyone is fingerprinted upon entering the program, signing a confidentiality agreement. You've been privy to vital minion intelligence."
"I won't tell anyone anything," Edward insisted, grasping an invisible key and making a locking motion across his mouth.
Gavrin's temple pulsed. He shook his head. "Your only hope is to disappear. Even if you managed to escape on ship, they'll find you because they'll have all your information."
"But you said we," Edward pointed out. "Does that mean you'll help me steal the records?"
"It'll be risky." Gavrin began to pace around the classroom, thinking aloud. "The records are kept in the offices below us. It is the end of the day, though, so most everyone will have gone home by now..."
"I can't thank you enough for helping me, Professor Evilston. I really do appreciate it," Edward said breathlessly.
"I'm not doing it for you," Gavrin snapped. "You'll be doing something for me, as well. Didn't you pay an ounce of attention when we went over blackmailing and negotiation tactics? The LDEMITP records are kept in the same offices as the Human Resources department. I'll figure out how to get you in, and while you're in there, you'll also be stealing my evaluation of employment documents...
Date: Aug 13th
...Edward's eyes grew so big that he could easily have been mistaken for a Spardel. "Stealing?" he asked in a whisper. "Professor Evilston, I... I have to say, that's never been something I've been any good at."
"Well, we'll add it to the growing list," Gavrin snapped irritably. "Edward, you promised me that you would do whatever I asked of you. Do you want to get out of here or not?"
"I do," Edward replied miserably.
"Good." Gavrin rubbed his temples slowly. "Okay, we need for you to get familiar with the office. Starting today, you're going to be my personal apprentice. If anyone asks why, it's because I took pity on you. Do you understand?"
Edward nodded. "What does that have to do with the office?"
"My personal apprentice will take the attendance sheets there each day," Gavrin replied coolly. "The head secretary of the office is not someone we want to go through. He's a gigantic Skeith who goes by the name of 'The Plumpy.' Not promising. Instead, I want you to get on good terms with his assistant, who I hear is also a new recruit. When we need him, I want him to be favourably disposed to our cause."
Edward frowned. "You mean I'm supposed to... be nice to him?" He stood up a little straighter. "I think that's something I can actually do, sir."
"It'd better be, because you're starting right after class."
As promised, following another lesson void of any real potential, Edward found himself trotting down to the office to hand in the attendance sheet. To his surprise, when he arrived, it was the baby Ogrin from his "How to Perfect Your Evil Laugh" class.
"Hello, Finian!" Edward squeaked, suddenly nervous. "N-Nice day, isn't it?"
Finian gazed at Edward with his huge yellow eyes. "No, it's not," he replied curtly, "and if it's not a nice day and you're saying that it is, then it means you want to make small talk. It means you want to build rapport." Edward took a step back from the tiny intern. "If you want to do that, it can only mean you want something from me."
Finian's gaze never strayed from Edward, who began to tremble pitifully. "As Professor Evilston so generously pointed out in class, I don't look like a good LDEMITP recruit. I'm terrible in Evilston's class, so you can’t be asking for help. I have cunning, which you can't use... and I have this position as an administrative assistant, which you can. So I'm asking you, Edward -- and answer me truthfully..." Finian's stare was unrelenting. "What do you want from me?"...
Date: Aug 14th
...Edward swallowed a huge lump of fear -- afraid of the little guy in front of him and, most importantly, afraid of thwarting his one and only way out of the evil institute. "Um, give me a second to expl--"
"Edward, don't be a bumbling, red idiot all your life. What is it that you want?" Finian grinned at Edward terribly, his yellow eyes seeming to come alive at the fact that he was in the position of power this time around; being cute and evil hadn't done him many favors in life.
Edward nearly cowered under the tiny Ogrin's glance, but stood his ground and looked down, way down, directly into Finian's yellow doe eyes. "What I'm about to offer you is the chance to possibly be Gavrin's favorite student."
Finian's evil grin seemed to grow wider, Edward noticed. "What is it that you want to offer me, big guy?" He cocked his head to the side, amused at the power he had over such an intimidating-looking guy.
"I need you to give me access to the records here. I will then disappear and you'll never see me again. You won't have to worry about Gavrin paying more attention to me anymore."
"I see," Finian said, steeping his tiny paw under his furry chin. "I see."
Edward put his hands on Gavrin's desk pleadingly. "Please. No one will ever know, and like I said before, you can go on to become Gavrin's favorite."
Finian's terrible grin etched across his face once again as he reached his paw across his desk. "You have a deal, my huge friend. I'll just leave the office for lunch, and by the time I come back... be gone."
Edward's hand swallowed Finian's small paw as he shook his hand in agreement. "I'll absolutely, positively be gone by the time you come back!" Edward clicked his heels together gleefully. "By Fyora, I am so happy that I could explode right now!"
Finian rose from his seat and raised his eyebrows. "Yeah, please don't. I just vacuumed and I'd rather your glitter and rainbow explosion didn't stain the office's now very neat carpeting."...
Date: Aug 14th
..."Of--of course," Edward stuttered, moving aside to let Finian pass by. "Th-thank you!" he called after the Ogrin, close to tearing up with gratitude.
"Yeah, yeah," Finian muttered dismissively, letting himself out of the office and closing the door behind him.
Edward turned toward the other end of the room, which was occupied by several large filing cabinets. Trying to steel himself for what he was about to do, Edward stepped toward them. Being nice to someone, he could do; stealing... not so much. Be that as it may, he knew this was his only shot at escaping the evilness.
As he neared the filing cabinets, the Grundo could see that each was labeled. "Evil Meridell Takeover Plans," one read. "Evil Overlords' United Association," read another. "Lord Darigan's Super Secret Evil Cupcake Recipe." Edward scanned the labels until he saw the one he was looking for: "LDEMITP Records."
Cautiously, as though the cabinet might explode if he moved too quickly, Edward opened the top drawer. Several files lined the inside, each printed with the name of the minion initiate to whom it belonged. Nervously glancing over his shoulder, Edward rummaged through them until he saw his own file. FUZZLES, Edward. He pulled it out, stifling a cry of pure joy, and pushed the drawer closed. Next, he looked around for a cabinet that might contain Professor Evilston's evaluation documents. He scanned the other filing cabinets.
He was about to approach one labeled "Evil Employee Evaluations" when he heard the sound of footsteps coming from outside. His eyes snapped toward the door, his fingers frozen on the filing cabinet handle. The next second, the door slammed open and in marched...
Date: Aug 15th
...the most fearsome 'pet Edward had ever known: his mother. Standing at nearly seven feet tall, his mother was a mutant that would put even the most vile of evil leaders to quivering. Indeed, Finian looked like a fluffy Babaa standing next to her, his malicious grin so stretched that it threatened to rip his face in two.
"M-mom?" Edward squeaked, nearly dropping his folder. "What are you doing here?" He tried to shoot Finian a hateful look, but it probably wasn't too intimidating.
"Edward James Fuzzles, what is going on here?" she asked, her voice deep and authoritative.
Finian sauntered into the room. "You didn't actually think I would help, did you? I was always going to be Professor Evilston's best student. See how cunningly I mastered his "Art Of Deceiving And Two-Faced Tactics"? Why would I help you steal your records and disappear when I could watch you blunder and fall flat on your face in class instead?"
"Is this true, Edward?" his mother interrupted. "I come to visit you on your first day and find you've broken into corporate offices to steal non-authorized documentation--"
Edward averted his eyes, shuffling his feet madly. Finally, without looking up, he nodded.
His mother pursed her lips. "I am so... proud of you!" She reached out for him, embracing him in a bone-crunching hug. "I knew this business of you being a goody-goody was just a phase. Look at you... what an evil thing to do!" She beamed at him.
Edward couldn't believe this turn of events. "Wait, just wait," he said, causing his mom to falter and Finian to stare. It was now or never. "I can't do it, mom. I don't want to be... evil.
His mother gasped, and Finian curled his lip as if Edward had uttered a conundrum in which he had no hope of solving.
"I don't want to have a malevolent laugh," Edward continued. "I don't want to strike fear in the hearts of Neopets everywhere, and I most certainly do not want to befriend any Meepits. I just want to be... nice."
Finian continued his look of disgust and horror, while his mother looked at him sympathetically.
"Why didn't you say anything before, son?"
"I didn't want you to be disappointed in me," Edward said, giving his mother a furtive look.
"Well, if you don't want to be a minion, then what do you want to be, then?"
Edward thought for merely a moment. "A florist."
His mother smiled reassuringly, but her face looked as if she had something rather large stuck in her throat. She grasped him by the arm and ushered him out the door, muttering, "We'll just see about this..."
Gavrin sat at his desk, tapping a pencil rhythmically upon its surface while watching the seconds tick by on the clock. Edward had been gone for quite some time.
Suddenly, a large manila envelope slapped down in front of him. The folder was stamped with his name and it read: "Prof. Gavrin Evilston, M.Ed. -- Employment Evaluation, Reinstatement Pending Approval."
He looked up to see a baby Ogrin standing before him, a wicked gleam in his eyes.
Gavrin found himself intrigued. This one had potential.
Date: Aug 15th
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