From the moment she woke up, Konfewzed the Kau knew it was going to be one of those days. She sat
up in her bed, wiping the sleep from her eyes like she did every morning. But this time she heard some hubbub from outside her
Dung NeoHome. "What the?" she said, looking out her window. Neopians were running up and down the street like mad, rabid animals.
Some were shouting, "The Gourmet Club rawks da house!" and others were screaming, "The Neopian Book Award expands your mind,
not your belly!".
Konfewzed closed her blinds and looked at herself in the mirror. Her fur was messed up, but that was beside the point--this wasn't
the Beauty Contest. She wasn't really into reading or getting her "chuff" on, and with these two new awards, she wasn't sure of her
place in Neopian society. It was going to take some serious investigating on her part to find out...
Author: Neopets Staff|
Date: 28 Jan.
...After taking a quick shower, Konfewzed went outside and walked over to the Marketplace. The two masses of Neopets were divided
in front of the Book Shop and the Food Store. Many pets were carrying signs, plastered with slogans for and against both clubs.
"Feed you mind - not your stomach!"
"Knowledge is power - Fat is ugly!"
"Gourmet Food is more sophisticated than a moldy book!"
"Have good taste - don't become a stuffy bookworm!"
Not knowing which side to join, Konfewzed just stood there looking dazed and, well, confused. A group of intelligent looking
Aishas were standing near her, a green one was holding a megaphone. "Broaden your mind - not your waste!" she exclaimed. A roar
of cheers rose from the literacy crowd around her. As the megaphone was passed around, Konfewzed went up to the Aisha to ask her
what was going on.
Introducing herself as Emerald, she explained that today when she and her other book-loving friends went to get books so they could
win a Neopian Book Award, a large crowd was already there, blocking the entrance as it tried to get into the Food Shop. As she said
this, a pink Uni was standing nearby. Enraged, she yelled, "We need to eat to survive, and what's the point of living if you can't
eat well!" Many Unis and other pets behind her murmured their agreement. The only thing that Konfewzed could be sure of was that
these two contests were dividing Neopia - certain breeds of pets, like Aishas, Lennys, and Lupes, wanted to read books. But other
breeds, like Unis, Skeiths, and Peophins, wanted to refine their culinary tastes. This great conflict could obviously lead to no
good if entire breeds of pets were opposing entire other breeds...
Date: 28 Jan.
...and it would just turn into a giant Neopet war! Konfewzed paced up and down trying to decide what to do.
Now, Konfewzed wasn't a very bright Kau so she probably paced around for a good 12 hours before she finally thought
When she DID finally come up with a plan she ran back home only to find her sister, Unshore the Usul was having a party
with all her friends. Of course Unshore wasn't going to let Konfewzed stay in the house near HER friends, so Konfewzed
quietly went upstairs to her room, got her new Sketch Pad and Pencil with an Eraser and went outside.
After a few days of searching the town, Konfewzed found a small hill where she could sit and get inspiration.
She sat down and started writing in her very messy Kau handwriting...
Date: 28 Jan.
...Konfewzed started writing a report.
"The town has gone completely mad. Neopets are fighting Neopets. It's all too crazy. And it is over an argument about
being smart or getting fat..."
Konfewzed got stuck on a few words such as "it" and "and". It took Konfewzed about a day to write this four
sentence paragraph. Just then, one of Konfewzed's friends came up and started talking to her.
"Hey Konfewzed. Whatcha doin'?" Doughno said.
Doughno was a rather slow Blumaroo. Konfewzed explained what she was doing. Doughno just stood there. They both just sat there
on that hill, looking down at the battle of books and food. About two or three hours later, because of their slowness,
one of them came up with something to say. Doughno jumped up and said, "I've got a cunning plan!"...
Date: 29 Jan.
..."It's well, cunning. We just write a book ABOUT gourmet eating. It'll make both sides happy!"
Konfewzed thought for a while. She twiddled her thumbs biting her hooves until they were as short as that cake her mother
had baked yesterday.
"That'll work!" she exclaimed. "I'll get to work on a cover!"
Konfewzed got out some poster board and her best set of markers from her room. Doughno gathered a stack of loose-leaf paper.
They got to work. Doughno wrote an introduction while Konfewzed wrote: "GOURMET EATING: The Book" in block letters. She s-l-o-w-l-y
coloured it in. Doughno finished the two page intro in about thirteen hours.
"Great!" exclaimed Doughno. "Now we can start on the book!"
Konfewzed grabbed a stack of paper and began to think up the book with Doughno. That day they wrote about ten pages of recipes,
info, and fun-food facts.
They finally trudged off home after two days of work. They had written six pages and were tired as ever. Konfewzed slept soundly
and awoke to the crow of the Lenny. She yawned, stretched and walked out to the hill where Doughno was already writing a page.
"Hey Doughno! Wuz-up?"
"Nothin', just writing the tenth page of our book"
"TENTH?!? WOW, you are speeding!"
Konfewezed read through the "book". It was funny, yummy, and interesting. Just what they needed, well, at least they thought they
Date: 29 Jan.
...Two hours later Doughno finished the page. "Well," he said with a hopeful sigh, "This should do it."
Two very proud Neopets came marching down the hill around midday, right into the havoc and chaos that Central Neopia
was now in. "Attention!" bellowed Doughno and Konfewzed. Suddenly, for the first time in days, there was silence. Well,
nearly. A few pets were puffing for air because they'd been yelling so long.
"Right. Umm... well, here we have an answer to all the, uh, fighting. Erm, Doughno and me have wrote--"
"Written! Doughno and I have written," some know-it-all book fan shouted.
"--this book," Doughno finished, pointing to the book in Konfewzed's hooves.
Neopia crowded around the outstretched hooves of Konfewzed the Kau and examined what she was holding. Suddenly a roar
erupted from the crowd.
"A book!?" a fuming Skeith rumbled. "How dare you insult us by putting the wonders of taste buds into a BOOK!"
"War!" an Aisha shrieked, and before Doughno and Konfewzed knew what was happening...
Date: 30 Jan.
...the food-loving half charged at them! One of the book-people grabbed the book.
"A book on FOOD?! Why would we want to waste our time reading something on such a stupid topic?!"
"Well," Konfewzed replied. "We wanted to make ALL of you happy!"
"Yeah!" said Doughno. "And we thinked this was the best way to do it!"
"Don't you know proper English? We THOUGHT! Not 'we thinked'" the same know-it-all book fan stated.
"Hey, if you two can't speak proper English, how can we be so sure that you are any good at writing it?"
a Lenny asked.
"Well, why don't you read it, little miss know-it-all?!" shouted someone from the crowd near the food shop.
"I may just do that!" shouted the Lenny as he opened the book.
The Lenny closed the book, smiling in pure delight. "Wow! This book was great, but it made me hungry!"
the Lenny said.
"Hey, gimme that book!" a Skeith yelled as he snatched it from the Lenny. "Ohhh, and it smells delicious
The Skeith licked his lips...
Date: 30 Jan.
...Before Konfewzed could realise what was happening, the Skeith suddenly took a huge bite
out of the book.
"No!" Konfewzed cried, "that's our only copy!"
"You moron!" the Lenny who had read the book yelled. "Books aren't for eating!"
"Moron?!?" roared the Skeith. "You're the moron. You don't know what you're missing. This book is the
best thing I've ever eaten." A few of the Skeith's friends rushed forward and nibbled on a few of the now
ragged pages of the book. "He's right!" they agreed.
The Lenny shook his head and turned back to Konfewzed and Doughno. "Was that really the last one?" he asked.
"We don't have no more," Doughno said.
"Don't have any more," the Lenny corrected. "Look, we'll help you. Right guys?" The Lenny's friends quickly agreed.
"No, we'll help," the Skeith insisted. "I think the book could be even better with a few spices."
"We'll help!" the Lennys squawked.
"No, we are going to help!" The Skeith's stomach began to rumble.
Konfewzed and Doughno watched helplessly as the argument grew. It ended abruptly when...
Date: 31 Jan.
...Doughno suddenly got a bright idea on his face. His slowness seemed to wash away for a moment as he reached out his
hand and pushed two fighting pets away from each other.
"How can you guys all DO this?" he asked. "You are all Neopets, possibly best friends when you were younger. But now
look at you; all because of some stupid award that doesn't mean ANYTHING, you are jumping on each other. You have to
learn to respect your differences and your opinions--and get over that they will be DIFFERENT! Neopia would be boring
if we were all the same! But we don't want to end each other's lives over this, do we?"
Suddenly, all the pets around him seemed to understand, except for the one hungry Skeith who had eaten part of the book.
Konfewzed looked around desperately as the Skeith crawled up behind Doughno, unnoticed. "Doughno! Look out!" she called...
Date: 31 Jan.
..."What...?" as Doughno turned around, the hungry Skeith opened its large jaws and--
"Owwwww!" Doughno grabbed his leg and started dancing around. The crowd had question marks all over their faces.
"He bit me! He bit me!" cried Doughno accusingly. "He bit me on the leg!"
Shrieks came out from the crowd as half the Neopets ran away from the Skeith, thinking he was going to sink his teeth in them
next and the other half ran towards him for protection from the book lovers.
"What's going on?" Konfewzed said.
"He didn't have to bite my leg though, did he!" yelped Doughno.
"You are so childish, mister Skeith. You've just started a completely new fight. I think," Konfewsed said, not too sure
what in Neopia she was talking about...
Date: 1 Feb.
..."That you should be stuck in the Neopian Book Store forever and banned from eating any book!"
The Skeith looked horrified. He began to tremble all over and he spit out what looked like the the pages of the book he had
maybe eaten. He then begans to speak, saying, "Please, don't! I'll be good! I promise that I will never eat anything but regular
food again! Anything but the Book Store! Anything! Here! See? It's the rest of your book! I was saving it for later! I never ate
it! The only part I ate was the cover! My friends only nibbled on the corners! I'll do anything, just as long as you don't put
me in the Book Store for forever".
Finally, the Skeith fell down because he was pleading too hard. Smiling, Konfewzed helped him up.
"I'll let you go if you tell all the Neopets to stop fighting! Everybody can help us make copies of the book!" Konfewzed
called out with a huge smile on her face.
Then all the hidden Neopians came out because they heard Konfewzed's word and they made a truce that the smart Neopets would
never again fight with the food-loving Neopets.
The book did make millions of NP and made Konfewzed and Doughno millionaires! Konfewzed, for some reason, left her stupidity
behind and now spends all of her days trying to teach Doughno how to add one and one together in less than an hour. She might
be working with him for a long time...
Date: 1 Feb.